Phyllis Tileston Remembered As Caring Neighbor, Tireless Housing Advocate

CHATHAM – Phyllis Tileston died at the age of 99 last Monday, completing a long life dedicated to caring for others. She is being remembered for her smile, her youthful energy and her passion for helping families find decent housing. For years she helped lead the Chatham Housing Authority and co-founded the Chatham Ecumenical Council Helping Prevent Cape Homelessness, or CECH.

“There was not a time in my life when I did not know Phyllis, and that’s probably true for a lot of people in town,” friend and Town Moderator William Litchfield recalled.

She met the man who would become her husband, Whit, when she was 17, and they married and moved to Chatham in 1948. He took a job teaching music in the local school, and went on to become the legendary conductor of the Chatham Band. “Whit, the whole world knew. But most of the world knew Phyllis,” Litchfield said.

A Springfield native who grew up in Hartford, Mrs. Tileston originally thought she’d make a career in the theater or art world, and was always an enthusiastic singer; she appeared in 18 or 20 productions with the Chatham Drama Guild, and even had a lead in the Boston Light Opera Guild’s production of “The Red Mill,” an experience she described as “the hit of my life.” But the desire to help others was always a strong part of her life, said CECH President Erin Minichiello.

“It was evident that her parents and family had very similar views and brought her up to care for others,” she said.

“At an early age, Phyllis developed her lifelong focus on helping her neighbors stay in their homes,” said CECH volunteer Neill Taylor in a 2017 tribute dinner. “She grew up on a block of single-family homes surrounded by streets of multi-family three-deckers, and her classmates in Hartford’s Wilson Avenue School would follow her home to play in her spacious yard. For over a decade while her children were growing up, Phyllis provided summer vacations to New York City kids as a Fresh Air Fund host family.”

Arriving on the Cape in 1948, Mrs. Tileston joined the Lower Cape Cod Community Development Corporation, and later served on the Chatham Housing Authority from 1975 to 2017, with 10 years as chair. In 1993, she co-founded CECH.

“With the late Nancy Cole, Phyllis went to every church pastor and priest in Chatham, asking whether any members were experiencing medical or unemployment issues and in need of financial assistance to pay their rent or mortgages,” CECH supporter Joan Aucoin recalled. “Phyllis and Nancy and the church memberships raised funds to help neighbors in need.” Today, CECH helps support families around the Lower Cape. “Truly, Phyllis became Chatham’s guardian angel for decades,” Aucoin said.

For years, Mrs. Tileston helped organize Chatham’s participation in the Bob Murray Housing with Love Walk, and in 2017, for the 25th anniversary of that event, Mrs. Tileston was honored as a “celebrity walker” and traveled in style in the back seat of a convertible.

With Whit’s passing in 1995, Mrs. Tileston knew she needed to take on a new project immediately. The following year, she opened their West Chatham family home as a bed and breakfast called “Whit’s End.” At the age of 72, she enthusiastically jumped into the new role of innkeeper. She operated the business for 18 years, only closing it down on doctor’s orders.

“She was very active in the Methodist church, very, very active in town, and was a constant presence at town meetings from 1948 until six or eight years ago,” Litchfield said. “She could be very straightforward, very direct, unafraid of asking questions, and good at focusing on the goals that she had in mind,” he said. “Phyllis was just a compassionate, vibrant force for good — a nice, decent person.”

Minichiello visited Mrs. Tileston near the end of her life, when her memory was severely faded. But she still remembered CECH with pride.

“When I was leaving her that day (giving her a big hug), I said to her, 'We are trying to continue your wonderful work.’ She looked at me deeply, smiling widely and with total understanding, said, ‘That means the world to me,’” Minichiello said.

Mrs. Tileston is survived by her three sons (a daughter predeceased her), four grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren. In a 2016 interview with The Chronicle, she talked about the importance of her civic work, but put it in perspective.

“There is nothing that means more to me than family,” she said.